How to find a good guy. :)

Okay, Who's not familiar with the term douche bag/ jerk off/ pig/ tool?  

If you don’t know what any of those are, well then, let me enlighten you. They are ALL  the same, its an “egotist who disrespects others in an attempt to 'be cool' with the aim of generating love interests or elevating his social standing.”

 Basically it’s a person who doesn’t treat another with respect regarding relationships. This refers to both sexes of course, but today I wanted to dedicate this post to my wonderful girlfriends who seem to be meeting all the wrong guys. Hopefully this will help you distinguish a good guy from a tool, or what YOU need to be doing to find a good guy. :)

The look.

Thanks to Jersey Shore, When I think of the term " Tool" I always think of the classic look.

The ideal look includes a orange looking fake tan, dyed black spiky haired boy who is usually extremely muscular and typically wearing a two sizes two small Ed Hardy/ Hollister t-shirt. These guys are known for their classic pose which includes them in a mirror flexing their steroid infused bodies. You can usually spot them from far away because their head is about the size of air balloon getting bigger and bigger by the second because of the amount of time they spend in the mirror admiring themselves. 

Unfortunately, not all the guys are in the uniform listed above. Some might even look like the “good guys" and have you totally fooled. So that’s why I’m writing this article – its for those of you who don’t have “tool radar”, and might need a little help deciphering between good guys and the not so good guys.

Ladies.

I'm sure you've heard the classic excuses.

"We're breaking up because I'm going on a mission" - then he gets another girlfriend.

"It's because I really love you and I don't want to hurt you anymore"  - dating someone else but still comes back to you for a hook up.

I think we’re best as just friends- but wants you as a friend with benefits.

Makes excuses for his behavior such as – “She was coming on to me first”, or  “I can’t help it, I’m just a natural flirt.”  

Girls, don't excuses suck? Wouldn't you rather have good open communication? 1st things 1st - if he's feeding you stupid excuses, well then,  Your better off without him. You deserve to have someone own up to you and tell you the truth even if the truth does hurt.   

1. Don't let him make excuses for his bad behavior. Honesty is always the way to go.

Everyone needs to know the red flags. Red flags are just poor behavior that will eventually get you in trouble. In reality, if you have a bad feeling about someone or you feel like its a sketchy situation then maybe its a red flag.

Stop justifying bad behavior. Look at what he's doing wrong, and don't let him get away with it.

   

    "The Pig syndrome”, some of the classic red flag signals.

Loves attention

Can’t commit.

Stays connected through texting/ emails but doesn’t call.

Makes excuses for his poor behavior.

Incapable of understanding a woman’s feelings.

Doesn’t aspire to be in “long term” for the fear of missing out on something better.

Will work until he has you- then gives up because he won.

       Flatters you about your looks, but doesn’t care to know about your dreams, aspirations, or goals.

He wants you to show off your assets.

Makes sure that you know that he could get any girl he wanted too, but yet is still “dating“ you.

Manipulative.

Controlling.

Plays on sympathy.

Doesn’t listen.

Is always talking about himself.

Only asks you on one “official” date, and every other outing is considered “hanging out”

Doesn’t introduce you to family or close friends.

Keeps the relationship a secret.

Can’t keep his eyes focused on you in public.

Doesn’t have the skills and courage to apologize and admit that he’s wrong.

Breaks up through text.

Treats people like inferiors.

Doesn't ever recognize his own problems. 

Ask you to sleep over- its always bad.

Takes things way way too fast!! Physically of course. 

It's disgusting, I know. So stay away. Please.. for the sake of your heart. 

Last thing, and most importantly.

Ladies, men aren’t always to blame. If you are complaining about the sort of guys you are attracting, then take a step back and look at yourself. How am I behaving? What do I wear? What do I say? Do I treat others with respect?

Quite honestly, Trash attracts trash- and if you act trashy you’ll find someone who acts the same way that you do. If you dress like a skank, then you’ll attract those boys who only want a skank. If you don’t stand up for yourself and say “ No, I will not be treated that way” then you’ll always be treated poorly. My dad always says to me “You TEACH people how to treat you.” If you want the best, then you demand it. Stand up for yourself, and be courageous. Ladies, I don’t  think you understand how much influence you have over men. For good or bad. So start using it for good, and changing how men view you. That’s it.

  

                       Let this be your motto.

"I’m not single and I’m not taken. I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves my heart because they say good things take time."

Hope this helps. xoxo. Amanda

#14

• • Who wants to hear a story?
    
    C'mon..I know you all do. I mean, who doesn't want to hear a crazy story about a failed attempt at a relationship and a silly boy who will never get married?
    yes, it is one of those stories, and Its a fun story to tell.
    
    First I want to give props to my girl Sheii. She was the one to tell me that I should never judge a boy based on his resume,-however, I didn't listen and I had to learn the hard way.
    
    
    This is my story.
    
    Let me just give you a heads up. I'm not going to name his name, even though I would love to have a Taylor Swift moment and give a tell all. But I won't do that, so just so you know- Ben Lawson is a fake name. 2nd, to all of those who know this person, I do not hate him at all. I'm merely grateful for him, and for the lesson that I learned because of him. So thank you for teaching me a lesson I'll never forget.
    
    So hear you go. #14. " Don't judge a boy buy his resume."
    
    It all started when I moved to Chicago. I had broken off my previous relationship and was ready for a "challenge"-whatever that means.

     I was sick of the " Utah boy" and thought that the "Chicago boy" would be so much more distinguished and classy than the Utah boys that I had dated.
    
    
    But of course, the only ones that I met were extremely attractive  boys and graduates from BYU.
    
    
    Typical.
    
    
    2nd day in Chicago. I met this boy. He was cute, and nice. I was easily impressed, and as I got to know him I started checking off my list of 

     "Qualities I want in my future husband." 
    The list included: 
    Smart,
    good looking, 
    RM, 
    ripped abs, (hahah just kidding) 
    tall, 
    older (like late 20's) 
    funny
    spoke Italian, 
    hard worker. 
    Likes Chick flicks - His favorite?  Pride and Prejudice. My favorite. :)
    
    
    (okay, stop judging.) 
    
    
    To me he had it all. 
    And to be be perfectly honest, the boy even had the General Authorities and The Proclamation to the Family on his wall - such a catch. Well, at least I thought so.
    
    
    Problem was.. His lack of dating skills.
    
    
    Date #1. Dinner, hot tub, massages. ( I promise, it wasn't dirty) 
    Date #2. Oh, actually that didn't happen.
    Date #3. ya, didn't happen either.
    
    actually, we didn't go on any more dates. But yet, I still was enthralled by the fact that he met all of my qualifications.
    
    What ended up happening  was the usual 11:00pm calls on Tuesday and Thursday( sketchy), the awkward hugs and conversations at church, and the random weekend movie and snuggle sessions( oh, and did I mention that he never once walked me down to get a cab or called me to make sure that I got home safe?) Pathetic? I know.
    Of course that should have  been a HUGE red flag to me, but I was listening too closely to the pitter patter of my little heart than the logic in my brain. 
    
    
    So,I gave it 3 months ( I wanted to practice my patience.) nothing happened. Still no answers, no commitment, no real dates even. nothing. It got old, and then I knew " Amanda, he's just not that into you."
    
    
    All I could think about was how annoyed I was, and how I only wanted to listen to Beyonce's " Who run the world? (GIRLS)" and eat my chocolate.  And when I finally told a friend about the 

    situation; she confessed to being treated the same way by the same exact boy, and she also knew of girls who he had done the same thing to as well.
    Being Furious with the idea of being played,  I decided to think of plots of revenge, for instance - hitting him in the face with a pie or putting laxatives in some brownies to give to him. (none of which I did, I just liked the idea of revenge.)
    But on top of that, he already had a name. People called him the "Ben Lawson experience."  
    I also came to find out that he was flying girls out from their town to come visit him in Chicago so they could partake of the  
    " Ben Lawson Experience".
    
    Naturally, I decided to stand up for myself and tell him what I thought.
    He denied the whole idea of it( of course) and tried to convince me that he would never do such a thing and that I was beautiful, and one of a kind  and would never do that to a daughters of God.( Boy, he was cheesy)
    
    
    To make a long story short,  I gave him a piece of my mind. Ran into him 2 weeks later while in Utah, and then found out he was also dating my Visiting teaching companion the same time as he was dating me.
    
    So I learned. I will never, ever, ever base a boy off of his impressive resume. 
    
    
    I also will recognize when a boy is just not that into you. 
    
    
    Good thing I learned this lesson while I was young. jeesh. hahah
• The End. 

I live life.

So I have been contemplating on the random things of life.
               For one. I have been thinking about all of the wonderful things that I've learned in my so far 6 months of being a nanny. So far,  I've traveled from Chicago( 4 months) to Malibu to Seattle to Maui and now to Manhattan Beach, California.
                                               My life isn't boring.
                                       
                                       I've traveled, adjusted and I have really learned to love this adventure.
                   And not only can I ride the metro in Chicago, but I can now use pepper spray as well. I can also catch a taxi, and navigate through a big city. ( well sort of. ) use a high-tech alarm system, and most importantly know how to stop a 2 year old from having a insane temper tantrum (without bribes).
No, but in all seriousness, I have learned so many things; things that I know I wouldn't have learned unless I had moved out of Utah and into the non-Mormon world, or the real world.
                                     I've gained some real life perspective as well.

                                          So I'm gonna break it down for you.
       Twenty things I've learned since I've moved out of Utah. ( or knew but didn't apply until I left Utah.)

1.  Sometimes you have to leave your hometown to appreciate it. :)

2. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

3. Everyone wants to be loved, understood and respected. People aren't scary. :)

4. Trust until someone gives you a reason not to trust.

5. My mom is the hardest working person I know.

6. Accepting someone doesn't mean you have to agree with what they do.

7. Just because someone doesn't live their life they way you do; doesn't necessarily mean that they are a bad person.

8. Be assertive, bold, and say what is on your mind. It makes life more enjoyable.

9. Revenge is never a good idea. never ever.

10. Don't ride the metro at night.

11. Don't plan out your life, because God will always have a different plan for you.

12. Do what you want NOW. Don't wait, cause you might not have the opprotunity again.

13. BE SPONTANEOUS!!!

14. Dating: Boys who have impressive resumes doesn't always equal good boys.

15. My testimony is 100x greater since I've really had to really defend my religion.

16.  Put yourself in a uncomfortable situation and see how you handle it. ( It builds character.)

17.  Ask questions.

18.  All people should read a book about body language, it helps. ALOT. :)

19. Forgive, forgive and forgive. Your worst enemy can become your best friend, but only if you can forgive.

20.  Never lose contact with old friends. :)


I feel like this list could go on and on and on.... but I'm ending it here.

My life is amazing, wonderful, fantastic, superb, glorious and all things marvelous.
I am so grateful for my experience and my friends and family and all things new and old. Life couldn't get better,
               It really couldn't.
( And don't worry, as I write more I'll elaborate on those 20 things that I've learned.)

This is just the beginning. I promise.
                                                           As my friend rissa would say " Good night yo". peace.